the self-proclaimed nice guys

“I don’t get it. I’m a nice guy, why won’t you go out with me?”

We’ve all heard this line before from some creepy guy that we’ve either just met or one that has been on the chase for quite some while and it’s crazy because you’ve probably never realised how often you’ve heard it until it has been brought to your attention. I don’t even need to go on and on about how annoying it is because you and I already know all about it. After turning down Mr Nice Guy™ so many times, it starts to tug at your guilty conscience and you wonder, “am i being a bitch?”

Something I’ve noticed, and I am sure a lot of women have noticed it too, is that self proclaimed “nice guys” think that being nice to you is enough for you to be attracted to them. They’ve heard some women say that they believe personality is more important than looks (we don’t believe you sis) and they’ve run with that hoping it will get them the woman they’re too chicken shit to be their true selves around.

Of course, we all want a man that is caring, attentive and generous but of course, main issue with Mr Nice Guy™ is that the men that extend these qualities do so at a price. Everything he does needs to be rewarded. He buys you dinner and expects you to fuck him as a thank you (even though he won’t directly come out and ask you for pussy). He gives you a shoulder to cry on and wonders why you haven’t called him your knight in shining armour yet. He picks you up when you’re stranded and wonders why you won’t kiss him goodnight. He’ll even sulk about it and later tweet “these hoes ain’t shit” or something along those lines. I mean we’ve all seen it.

“women are not vending machines you can drop kindness coins into until sex falls out”

I know you know what I’m talking about, sis. You’ve probably been approached by him. He swears that he’s actually “one of the good guys” and goes on about how “different” he is but like my friend V said, they’re the worst. I’ll explain.

Growing up in London, almost every girl has been approached by a guy who gives you nice conversation, he’s polite and friendly. Unfortunately you’re not attracted to him. He does absolutely nothing for you physically and in return you kindly and respectfully turn him down. From there it suddenly gets ugly… “well you’re clapped anyway”. Him scrambling for a way to lick his bruised ego. He can’t fathom being turned down after putting on the charm and giving you the best lines he’s got. How dare you turn him down? Clearly, he suffers from ‘Nice Guy’ Syndrome. You know, where a guy feels entitled because he’s been nothing but nice to you. He complimented you. He asked about your day. The least you could do is give him your number and maybe one day let him fuck.

In his head he is the best man that he knows. He is kind, chivalrous, and loving. He is there when you need him and he never lets you pay when you’re together. He addresses you respectfully and doesn’t mind spending hours listening to you talk. At what price though? Like I mentioned before, his kindness isn’t free. He is constantly hoping for positive reinforcement for doing the things a man would normally do if he was interested in a woman. Why? Well, he’s a nice guy and he should be rewarded for treating you like a lady and saving you from the bad men that have broken and could potentially break your heart.

Bore me, sweetie.

For the men out there that might read this, think of the girl that never stops telling you how different she is from other girls. The one that drinks beer even though she hates the taste and it has her pissing like the Trafalgar Sq. fountain, the one that goes on about how sexy another woman is so you think she’s cool even though she’s strictly dickly, oh and the one that swears she is the biggest football fan ever but can’t even explain the offside rule without the shakes. Think of how annoying she is and how much she tries to be like “one of the guys” just in hopes that one day you’ll fall hopelessly in love with her, get married and have tons of babies. That is what the self-proclaimed nice guy is to us, sprinkled with annoying persistence and aggression too.


The thing is, being nice to a member of the opposite sex doesn’t make you special or relationship worthy, it just makes you a decent human being. Self-proclaimed good guys love to brag about not committing any crimes and how drunk girls could safely pass out next to them in hopes of receiving praises of how well they’ve conducted themselves in such a “tempting environment” but honestly, it makes you normal not exceptional. Being Nice™ as an attempt to get the panties won’t work out for you in the long run. She’s either interested or she isn’t.

I’m sure that at least once in your life you’ve heard someone say, “if your penis was really big you wouldn’t have to keep saying it” LMAO. Well, it couldn’t be more true, especially in this situation. If you’re genuinely nice and caring you won’t have to announce it to get the recognition you deserve, people will be able to tell from a mile away. Plus, if you’re being nice just to get laid, you’re not really a nice person after all, are you?


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